Sometimes this whole life and single parenting thing is really daunting. I try to handle things as they come up – as gracefully as possible but I have to say that there are times when it all seems like just too much and I just kind of lose it. My most recent experience of course is one of losing it over a play date miscommunication (STUPID!) and now sitting with my discomfort of losing it. ugh!
Sometimes the universe just sends along a mercury retrograde, knock on wood, murphy’s law, double whammy, don’t let the door hit you on the way out, no holds barred, agro, I think I am going to kill someone or myself moment. Recently I’ve felt like a disaster recovery Ninja. Faced with all kinds of really sensitive moments with friends, family, work, and projects i’ve been able to get through them without losing my sense of balance and feeling like I have offered my very best in the moment. Apparently I was busy patting my own back having just narrowly escaped hurricane Irene when hurricane Monica blew through New England without much advanced notice- I mean, do these weather clowns actually make a living at this?
KABOOM! All it really took was a miscommunication + friendship + family ties and all my triggers finally went off. Bad behavior all around but of course as always I am hardest on myself. What could I have done differently? How can I make it better? Why do I feel so misunderstood and unconsidered? These are some of the storm surges that still plague me. I wish my friends have given me the benefit of the doubt and known that something must have really been bothering me given my behavior but as they mentioned- they don’t have mental telepathy. Damn. I hate that, and like all good hurricanes there are always casualties and just for the record I hate that too. To those that supported me through both storms… I really appreciated it, and love you dearly.