When am I going to learn that PMS means:
PACK. MY. SUITCASE.
Instead it’s like the reoccurring mysterious behavioral phenomenon every month and when it finally arrives I’m all:
“Ooooooh so Thhhhhats why I was such a psycho last week!”
(insert mortified remorse as I flash back to the week in detail… oh, those poor poor people.)
Ok so seriously? You’d think I’d have a routine down here- you know- every month for the past 28 years like clock work (except for 2-3 of those years when i was pregnant/nursing) You think maybe i’d have a plan in place to deal with the “situation”- you know, in case it should arise.
Instead, I use the week before to simply wonder if perhaps I might be going crazy…. ?
I use the time to be completely reactionary and practice new and more creative ways of losing my grip.
RE action ZONE. Proceed with extreme caution.
Common scenarios and thoughts (one might refer to as clues) that cycle through my head the week before:
“Wow, I wonder why I am soooo hungry today?- I feel like I could just eat the entire house” (Run kids run for your lives before you get eaten toooo!)
“No one appreciates me – I’m outta here!” (I could just pack my bags right now and leave!- that would show them!)
“I’m soooo tired and I think i need to take a….. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz” “just putting the kids to bed honeyZzzzzzz”
“I am NOT being irrational! I’m NOT! It was MY box of Nutter Butters! MINE!- you hear me?!!”
“Did she just cut me off? Dirty Whore!!!”
” WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH… that commercial is so. so. sad.- it just gets me every time!”
“Are you done with that doughnut?”
“I have such a headache- it’s like a migrane – I wonder if i am coming down with something?” (taking my temperature every 20 minutes)
“I love you”
“I HATE you!”
TURN DOWN THE MUSIC! Is everyone DEAF?
Don’t look at me in that TONE!!!!
So… there are in fact a few red flags you know? but no, every month there is like a big surprise party to mark it’s murderous arrival.
Why am I bleeding? !!!!
Oh, is it already that time of month?